11 am, and I was just struck by the knowledge that I've not been truly loved since my dog Tippy was put to sleep (behind my back) four years ago. And she may have been the only one, ever. So now I'm sitting here crying my eyes out because I feel so alone.
I knew long before I was grown that my mom didn't really feel that legendary "mother's love" toward me. I can't tell if it was just me she couldn't love or if she wasn't capable of that feeling, but she only went through the motions. Sometimes she didn't even pantomime if there was no audience.
I think Bill used to love me early in our relationship, but I think I wore him out with all my needs,inabilities and mood swings. He is so focused on his misery at work, there's no room for anything else in his heart. My sister is too bullied by her husband to be able to spend any time with me (or any other female he isn't related to), and of course my nephew mimics his father in acting like he's too cool for rural Harrison. So no other really "close" family, and although I think I'm well-liked by most people who know me, no really "close" friends, either.
So as the kids would say, fml.
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